Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and it’s that time of year when we think about all the things that we are thankful for. I’m thankful for so many things…my husband, kids, family, friends, my house, health, etc. I’d like to talk about some things you wouldn’t expect to see on that list. I once over heard someone use the phrase “finding the beauty in the storm”. It was just enough to catch my attention and to activate my imagination. I’d like to talk about some of the beauty that I’ve found in my own storm.
Let me just say this before I get started. I would NEVER wish the things that I have been through on anyone!! There are, however, certain things about me that I otherwise wouldn’t know about myself if I had not gone through the journey that I now find myself on. There is a saying that goes something like this: you don’t know how strong you are until it’s all you have left. I have found that I am so much stronger than I could have ever though possible. First and foremost I give God all the glory for the strength that I have found. At all times I find my strength in him; especially when I’m at my weakest.
I am thankful for the strength that God has given me to get through court, to make it this far, and for strength yet to come. I knew court was going to be difficult, but as much as I tried to mentally prepare myself I was still ill prepared for what I faced and the emotions that would surface. I knew Jon’s attorneys would come at me hard, and that there would be very little that the District Attorney would be able to do to help me out while I was on the stand. I avoid confrontation when at all possible; so, as you can imagine I was quite nervous at the idea having to face Jon’s attorneys and all the things that they might throw at me. So, when the time came I made sure I kept my guard up at all times, and listened very carefully to the words that came from Jon’s attorneys. He starts out talking about one thing and then another, and twisting it all up so that it is almost impossible to follow his train of thought. All I know is that it sounded like he was trying to get me to say that I though that I was Jon’s underage wife!!! I couldn’t hardly believe that he had the nerve to even suggest such a horrid thing. Thinking about this still angers me, and makes me laugh. I’m feel insulted that he would even go there, and I laugh at the desperation it shows for him to even suggest such a thing. Jon’s attorneys tried to get me to say that I’m delusional. Ha! Nice try, but I know what I know, and I know what happened to me. I never would have thought I could have stood up for myself the way that I did during court. Court by far is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. I am, however, grateful for the experience because it is also one of the things I am most proud of.
I am thankful for all the insight that I have gained over the years. Getting to spot unhealthy aspects of my life, discovering what “healthy” should look like, being able to choose to stop being a part of unhealthy family cycles (I’m still working on this one, but doing good), and finding the joy in watching myself become the person who I know I’m meant to be. I am grateful for the work that God has done in me and in my life. For the ways in which my healing journey has brought me closer to God. I’m thankful for being able to find the beauty in my storm.