This Is Just 1 Thing

Have you ever been in a place where there is so much going on in your mind you don’t even know how to put it into words? I feel like that’s where I am right now.

This Is Just 1 Thing Occupying My Mind Right Now

I’ve been having horrible dreams about my ex-stepdad getting off of probation. It’s coming to an end way too fast for me; I wish 2020 wasn’t coming so fast. The thought of him getting off of probation scares the crap out of me. I find comfort in knowing he cannot legally contact me or come anywhere near me. When his probation ends so does the no contact order and that terrifies me.

When his probation ends he can live near schools, playgrounds, and go to places where people who are 18 and younger congregate. He is listed as a low risk offender. I believe to the very core of me, he is not a low risk offender. I believe he is a risk to teenagers, and will offend again with the right circumstances. He’s a narcissistic habitual lair who has a desire to surround himself with people whom he can manipulate. He sees himself as someone who is smarter than those around him, where he can say and do anything and get away with it; he is the puppeteer.

When my ex-stepdad got out of prison, I felt as though evil had just been let loose; I have the same feeling about him getting off of probation. He will be out there with no oversight except for his annual updating of his registration on the sex offender website. I’ve seen him mislead people about who he really is for so many years. I have always been fearful of him getting away with things in the legal system with all his habitual lying and manipulation; with his ability to so easily mislead people. I know so much of this seems as though it’s all just a rant of irrational fears. Irrational or not, I’ve seen him get away with so much stuff, and have witnessed him fool so many people. I know what he is capable of.

I don’t know how the legal system determines if a person is a low risk offender or not. What I do know is: he told me if I said anything the government would have members of my family killed (in a way so it would look like an accident); if I didn’t comply when I was told to I would be abducted; he had me hold a rifle and test how easy the trigger was and after I did that he told me if I ever said anything the rifle would be used to kill someone and frame me for it since it now had my finger prints on it; that documents were being doctored to have me taken away from my mom if I ever spoke out. I was told I would never be safe from those who wanted to get to me. This is just a small sample of the mental games he played with me. For a time, he would tell me to close my eyes, place a pill in my hand, and told me take the pill. I never saw what these pills looked like. Between the psychical act of the abuses and the mental brainwashing he did, I just don’t understand how anyone like my ex-stepdad could be considered a low risk offender. Is he low risk simply because I am the only KNOWN victim of his? How can risk be determined based off of the number of KNOWN victims? This truly baffles me! I don’t understand how our system can say he is a low risk. Is it because he is getting older, and is in his mid to late 50’s? How does that matter? His age will not prevent him from hurting others. How can his risk level be based off of his age? I would love to be able to sit down with someone who assess risk levels and ask them these questions and more.

This is just one topic that is keeping my mind occupied.

Want to be involved?
  • I am actually considering finding someone who I can ask these and other questions to. I’m interested in what kinds of questions you would have if given the opportunity to talk to someone in the legal system who deals with risk assessment of sex offenders. Feel free to leave your questions in the comments section.


Published byLeah K.

Proud Wife, Stay-at-Home Mother of 3, a Christian (No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I make plenty of mistakes...that's why I need Christ in my life), abuse survivor, owner of an etsy store (Flairicity), and blogger.

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