As I start this new chapter with this blog, I think it’s only fitting that I start it off with a series about healing.
Have you ever asked yourself: what does it mean to you? Perhaps, more importantly, what does it look like to you for you in your own life? Do you have healing goals; what are they? Has anyone, as well meaning as they might have been, ever told you that to heal you should just stop talking about your past?
I’d like to start off by addressing that last question first. Has anyone ever told you, you should just stop talking about your past? I know it’s been said to me. I know for the most part when people say this there are usually good intentions behind it. They want to see you move forward, and probably feel talking about your past is only holding you back. This can be a tricky issue. For me, being able to talk about my past is how I worked through it. I did most of my talking with my counselor, some in group counseling, and, yes, I also did some talking with my friends. I think being able to talk about the past is a critical tool for being able to process it, and to then be able to move beyond it. I believe talking about an issue is helpful as long as the goal of talking about it is to work through it. When talking becomes just another way to not only keep reliving the pain, hurt and bitterness, but to keep it alive, then it’s time to stop talking about it. I say this because talking is no longer benefitting you but harming you and your ability to move forward. Talking should be goal oriented with the end goal of having processed through the event(s) to get to and be in a place where you can move beyond them.
Ok, now that I’ve got that established let’s move forward. I’d like to quote a friend of mine, Rose, who said to me one day, “Talking has no measurement here or there on the journey’s path. People thriving write books and host seminars over their experiences. Are they at the beginning? Please!” I had never thought about it this way before, and feel she is making a more than valid point. Just because we mention our past or are willing to talk about it, it is not an indication as to where we are in our healing journey. There are people who make a living on sharing their past, and their journey to heal. Does this mean they are not as “healed” as they claim to be? Certainly not. So, why should that be any different for you and I? It shouldn’t be, and it isn’t.
In my next posting in this series I’ll be talking about “What Is Normal Anyways”. I hope you will join me.