Imagine a dark black box, and evil is contained in it. And now that box has been opened to let that evil once again roam free. I am speaking of course of my ex step-dad Jon. He was let out of prison yesterday. I don’t feel like his punishment fit his crime. In some ways I feel a little betrayed that he was let out. I know that he has served his full sentence, but it still feels like a betrayal that they would let someone like him out. I do not feel like I was his first victim, and I don’t think that I’ll be his last. The hardest part is knowing that I have done all that I can to stop him, and I don’t think that it will be enough.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me that I should pray for his soul because only Jesus can change a person like Jon. As the truth of that is sinking in…I’m starting to realize that if I truly want to stop him I’ll have to pray for him to get genuinely saved. She is so right…Only Jesus can take that kind of evil out of a person. I’ve worked so hard at forgiving Jon, and sometimes that means doing my best to forgive him daily. I still have some anger towards him for all that he did, and for all that I feel he will continue to do. I can’t say it enough right now…Jesus is the only one who can change Jon. JESUS IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE JON!!!! Jon has such a depraved heart and mind that I know that he will not seek God out. This means that I’ll have to pray for God to continually put people in Jon’s path to such an extent that no matter where he turns he can’t get away from them. This is such a hard step for me. I’m perfectly content with knowing that as of right now…Jon will go to hell when he dies. It’s not easy for me to give up wanting Jon to receive the full wrath of God that he has so rightly earned, and deserves. And even now as I write this I am remained that each and every one of us has rightly earned and deserves the full wrath of God outside of Jesus.
I pray that You heal me of all this anger that is within me. That You help me to just let it go, and to truly and fully forgive. That I may live my life free from worrying about what Jon may be doing to others. And that You free me from the desire to see Jon receive Your full wrath. For outside of Jesus we all have earned and deserve Your full wrath. Help me to remember that.
I ask that You, O Lord, place people in Jon’s way that would lead him to You. I ask that there be such an abundant amount of people in his life that live for You, O Lord, that Jon cannot escape Your presence through them. Only You, Jesus, can change a man like Jon. Only You can change the depravity of his heart and mind. I pray that these 2 years that Jon has spent in prison have softened his heart, and not hardened it. Lord, I pray that Jon gives his life fully to You, and that he holds NOTHING back from You. You know my heart Lord, and how hard it is for me to ask this of You. But it is my desire that no one else be harmed by Jon like I was. And I realize that You are the only one who can change a man like Jon, and take all that evil out of him.
In Jesus’ name I ask these things. Amen.